Journeying Through Sexual Shame: Resources
Updated: Jul 2, 2021
This is part 2 of my story. Read part 1 here!
I do not agree with everything stated in these resources, but I found them intriguing, informative, and thought provoking. Some are ones I have heard of but not explored. Some are more conservative, some are progressive. Most are Christian, some are not. This is not a complete list OR authoritative in any way. Enjoy!
My Top Resources
1. Christine Woolgar- Light in grey places: a blog about hope, sexuality and consent
"It’s a space where I write at the edges of ideas that relate to hope, sexuality and consent. I want to lean into the grey places where people haven’t yet distilled their thoughts or figured out where they want to stand. I’ll disentangle complexities and dare to re-open questions where the standard answers now seem incomplete.
In practical terms, that means I write about:
sex and portrayals of sex,
consent and consent culture,
purity and purity culture,
inclusion and transformation,
bodies and personhood,
the Bible and Christian witness.
I approach these topics as a Christian and a feminist, but also with a listening ear to the sex-positive community."
2. Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski (book)
"For much of the 20th and 21st centuries, women’s sexuality was an uncharted territory in science, studied far less frequently—and far less seriously—than its male counterpart.
That is, until Emily Nagoski’s Come As You Are, which used groundbreaking science and research to prove that the most important factor in creating and sustaining a sex life filled with confidence and joy is not what the parts are or how they’re organized but how you feel about them. In the years since the book’s initial publication, countless women have learned through Nagoski’s accessible and informative guide that things like stress, mood, trust, and body image are not peripheral factors in a woman’s sexual wellbeing; they are central to it—and that even if you don’t always feel like it, you are already sexually whole by just being yourself. This revised and updated edition continues that mission with new information and advanced research, demystifying and decoding the science of sex so that everyone can create a better sex life and discover more pleasure than you ever thought possible."
3. Sex, God and the Conservative Church by Dr. Tina Schermer Sellers (book)
"Sex, God, and the Conservative Church helps everyday people and clinicians to understand what it means to grow up with abstinence education or a faith mired in sexual shame and dysfunction. This book provides new narratives and practices for those who desire to both heal and hold on to their faith orientation.
Schermer Sellers first walks readers through a critique of American culture and the conservative Christian church and its effects on intimate partnerships and sexual lives, then begins to reveal the hidden mystical sex- and body-positive understanding of sexuality of the Hebrew people. The book also includes chapters on strategies for a new sexual ethic, clinical steps to heal sexual shame, and specific sex therapy interventions clinicians can use directly in their practice. Finally, it offers a four-step model for healing religious sexual shame and touch and non-touch exercises to bring healing and intimacy into a person's life."
4. The Theology of the Womb: Knowing God Through the Body of a Woman by Christy Bauman
"If it is true that God is a male, then His Divinity or Deity is expressed in His masculinity. Yet I am a woman, and there are parts of my body; such as my breasts, my vagina, and my womb that are telling a story about God that I have never learned or understood. This is an exploration of the significance of a womb that must shed and bleed before it can create. How will we engage our body which cyclically bleeds most of our life and can build and birth a human soul? How will we honor the living womb, that lives and sometimes dies within us?
This is a book about the theology found in the cycle of the womb, which births both life and death. Every day each one of us is invited to create, and every day we make a decision knowing that from our creation can come death or life. Women’s voices have been silenced for a long time as society and the church has quieted their bodies. Will we courageously choose to listen to the sound of your voice, the song of your womb, and speak for the world to hear?"
Other Resources
PODCASTS
All can be found on Apple Podcast
Recently discovered this one, but all the episodes seem really interesting conversations!
And Part 2
Morgan Strehlow is opening up the conversation around sex and how our bodies are GOOD. Her podcast is "for contemplative Christian women."
They converse with Tina Schermer Sellers to talk about Sex, Shame, and the Conservative Church; The Beginning and End of Shame; and Virginity and Porn. This whole podcast is meant to inform people and heal them from the split between spirit and body that has happened from. The entire first season talks about the purity movement, and season two is about the mystery of desire.
Brenda is a sex positive Christian who breaks down purity culture and does in depth analyses of common Christian rhetoric surrounding sexuality, abuse, and how beliefs are influencing our lives. You can watch her youtube videos and listen to her podcast.
The Liturgists
I love their older seasons. They talk about so many things that don't get talked about, and all their conversations are fascinating. They discuss a wide variety of things (racism, Enneagram, worship music, spiritual trauma, environmentalism, etc) through the lenses of faith, art and science. Highly recommend listening to more of their stuff.
Pardon the title, if it offends you. Don't let it turn you away. This episode talks about how we go about making good decisions, sexual ethics. I cried twice listening to Part 1.
Discussion about embodiment
Discussion about body image
Discussion about LGBTQ
This podcast is recorded marriage counseling sessions, really fascinating! Most of this won't apply to singles/unmarried people, but some of them have interesting things to reflect on. Also just fascinating to listen to how perceptive Esther is.
Just found this one, and I am excited to listen to more. I think this episode with Tina Schermer Sellers gives a good overview of how the silent or negative messages we have about sex negatively impact our relationships.
Purity culture and the hypersexual secular culture are both very objectifying, and Linda makes some distinctions and good insights into why purity messages don't work.
FRST is all about attachment theory. Are you a pursuer or withdrawer? Securely attached, avoidant or anxious? How do you communicate? I've found the hosts to be slightly cheesy, but they do offer good insight into relationships and intimacy.
ARTICLES
Christians Caught Between the Sheets- How 'Abstinence Only' Ideology Hurts Us- Tina Schermer Sellers
TED TALKS
VIDEOS
Interview with Tina Schermer Sellers explaining purity culture
MOVIES/DOCUMENTARIES
Priceless (on Hulu)
I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye (coming soon to Amazon Prime)
Yes God Yes
BOOKS
Come as You Are by Emily Nagoski
Sex, God, and the Conservative Church by Tina Schermer Sellers
Soul Virgins: Redefining Single Sexuality by Doug Rosenau
Missoula: Rape and the Justice System in a College Town by Jon Krakauer
A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans
The New Rules for Love, Sex & Dating by Andy Stanley
Sex God: Exploring the Endless Connections Between Sexuality and Spirituality by Rob Bell
Pure: Inside the Evangelical Movement that Shamed a Generation of Young Women and How I Broke Free by Linda Kay Klein
The Purity Myth by Jessica Valenti
Shameless by Nadia Bolz Weber
The Theology of the Womb by Christy Bauman
Sexless in the City by Kat Harris
Shameless Parenting by Tina Schermer Sellers
People
Tara Teng- Embodiment Coach @misstarateng
Christine Woolgar @hope4greyplaces
Sanctuary Woman @sanctuarywoman
Duvet Days art @duvetdays
Meghan Tschanz- @faithandfeminism
Tina Schermer Sellers @drtinashameless
Hillary L. McBride @hillaryliannamcbride
Brenda Marie Davies @godisgrey
Christy Bauman @christybauman
Shannon Ethridge
Emily Nagoski @enagoski
Esther Perel @estherperelofficial
Linda Kay Klein @lindakayklein
Nadia Bolz Weber @sarcasticlutheran
Amy Moses- Pelvic Health Therapist @amymosespelvicpt
Krystyna Holland Pelvic Floor PT @krystyna.holland
Consent Parenting- Abuse Prevention Education @consentparenting
Sex Positive Families @sexpositive_families
Alisa Vitti @floliving
Dr Camden Morgante @drcamden
Miscellaneous
omgyes.com Research into women's pleasure! Discovering and naming techniques! Talking about what actually feels good for women! "We finally have the openness and research to take a clear-headed look at the many nuances of women's sexual pleasure. It's about time! Delicious insights from research with over 2,000 women, ages 18-95. Refreshingly honest and direct videos." NOTE: this is very explicit sexual content.
Axis is a Christian resource for parents with kids growing up in the age of technology and fast paced and confusing cultural conversations. Millennials created it to be a bridge between parents and their children, so they have information on topics ranging from Stranger Things to gender identity to evangelism.